Its an endeavor that takes a lifetime. Also, keep in mind that males are naturally protective of women. Respect can be shown in diverse ways, such as attentive listening, receiving and showing value for partners ideas, using honorable words during conversation, keeping to the schedule for dates, etc. So I relish when we do have time together! A lot of times, relationship problems can be solved easily enough. It means he's trying to disconnect emotionally from you. 1,721. Middle Class Dad is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associates Program, an affiliate advertising program designed to provide a means for sites to earn advertising fees by advertising and linking to Amazon.com. In bipolar disorder type I, for example, you'll likely experience severe manic episodes between periods of calm, or euthymic spans. If so, have no doubt he still loves you. He would even choose your ideas rather than arguing on whose idea is superior. Flowers are one of those things that some husbands only do on birthdays, anniversaries, and Valentines Dady; obligatory. 12. Dont get it twisted. The man in your life might not have the same language of love as you do, but that doesnt mean he loves you any less. Just remember to consider love as both a feeling and an action. If he is in love with you, then there is no question that he is constantly thinking about the future. Does he surprise you with gifts for no reason? But if your husband loves you, it is obvious whenever he says, Baby, I miss you. You can see it and feel it. He's no longer interested in intimacy. Perhaps they were unhappy in their current relationship, or they found infidelity exciting. While he loves and cares about you, he feels like you're asking too much of him and expecting him to fill in your life for you. When someone asks me for an expert to help save failing marriages, I always recommend Brad Browning. A man that loves you will respect your opinions and listen to what you have to say. But if your husband is still active on social media and still posting pictures of both of you (or just you), thats a great sign he still loves you. He doesn't miss you when you're gone, and he's indifferent to your absence. Respect can be shown in diverse ways, such as. A little bit of occasional jealousy is not a bad thing. You can tell because he won't look you in the eyes. 1. Small matters like changing a hairstyle, buying new clothes, or switching ice cream brands obviously dont call for a big counsel with you. Is respected by his peers. So if your guy goes out of his way to do stuff to make your life easier, he clearly loves you. That is especially true if hes forged an emotional connection (or a physical one) with someone else. Answer (1 of 2): I am sorry for your terrible loss. The dynamics of an affair provide the opportunity for the affair partners to nurture and preserve the infatuation stage of love. Allowing yourself to be vulnerable is essential to build a meaningful connection with someone. The kicker is that a man wont fall in love with you when he doesnt feel like your hero. He is a best-selling author and dispenses valuable advice on his extremely popular YouTube channel. When you've been together for years, it's obvious that your husband knows your likes and dislikes. Your husband should always be available when you need him around. Out of those husbands, 154 said that they, in fact, enjoy giving oral sex to their wives. Not everyone is going to get along perfectly and some people may never become great friends. For example, in some families or communities it's acceptable to emotionally abuse women by talking down to them, calling . How can you be sure that he i met my husband when i walked through the wrong door in a hotel hoping to find the bathroom, only 6. Of course, like with anything, it could also mean that he simply has other issues that he is unwilling to talk about. He still looks at you and says youre beautiful. Savage Love: Pretty Boy makes it painful Check out his behavior about his phone when youre around. But, you should pay attention to how your husband argues. Yet at least as men enter these relationships, they tend to assume that they can keep it undercover and not hurt you. Therefore, before you question, Does my husband still love me?, you can unlearn bad habits and learn the good ones. 20 minutes later he texted me "nevermind I couldn't do it". But try not to doubt the power of your husband wherever he is, the strength of his presence, . It seems so real. It seems we tend to think and talk about what concerns us at the present moment. Sadly, he might love his wife and want to salvage the marriage, but he doesn't totally forget about the affair. But if you want to know if he loves . The reasons men abuse are varied and complex. In this day and age, women dont need someone to rescue them. Do you want to know if your husband loves you? Answer some questions that we have . Pearl Nash When he needs to make an important decision in life, does he ask for your advice and trust what you say? Most couples can rekindle their marriage with an open ear and a willingness to communicate. Some husbands love it because (in many cases) they're tired from a day at work and just want to have a that big, hot and lusty release with their wife. Some of our partners may process your data as a part of their legitimate business interest without asking for consent. Hack Spirit is one of the leading authorities providing practical and accessible relationship advice. We hear the tales of wonderful and magical love stories of soulmates all the time. He requests your opinion on matters of great importance to him and concerning both of you. Your husband is selfish if he often uses the word I when talking about properties and other possessions or the future. I get into 31 specific steps that I took when my marriage was on the brink of divorce in 2013. I not only go in-depth, but I give you proven strategies on how to stop them either in yourself or your spouse. See The Mirror Technique to make him devoted to you forever. Your husband should always be available when you need him around. Addicts dont choose love over getting high, but they can take responsibility for managing their illness and, once sober, once again show their love for the people they care about. But a good husband is also like a best friend and will want to spend more time with you than he does anyone else. So, in Can a Soulmate Be Toxic? Its actions, not words, that matter., In fact, according to a survey by eHarmony, For the happiest couplesit was really about open communication, participating in regular activities together (like camping or even just date night!, compromise, and even little gestures like holding hands and saying I love you daily that kept their connection strong.. Continue with Recommended Cookies. In other words, one affair partner portrays . To show love and attraction, your husband will hold your hand or put his hand across your waist or shoulder in public as often as possible. Love brings bliss to both types of relationships, but only if tempered by respect. Peter Gray Ph.D. in Psychology Today. And some lesser husbands take an every man for himself approach. Jeff Campbell is a father, martial artist, budget-master, Disney-addict, musician, and recovering foodie having spent over 2 decades as a leader for Whole Foods Market. Yep, like it or not, the lusty, naughty, dirty quickie is a thing that most guys love. Your loving husband should always be eager to ensure that both of you go out on dates as regularly as possible. These might not be a big deal to some who dislike public displays of affection. Now if this is in the past, and you feel like he has truly made an effort since then, then he may love you. Its a statement that says they value your thoughts and how their actions affect you matter. If not dealt with correctly, these problems can lead to infidelity and disconnectedness. He wants to see himself as a protector. Chances are there was initial lust mistaken for love or the love eroded over time as you grew apar. But contrary to popular belief, bad things can also happen in a soulmate relationship in real life. If you want practical strategies to dramatically improve your marriage, check out our FREE eBook here. Relationship Hero is a site where highly trained relationship coaches help people through complicated and difficult love situations, like when a husbands feelings change. This isn't universal, by any means. at every slight opportunity is one way to show you love your partner. Regardless of your character deficiency, when he really loves you, he would. He celebrates with me in my accomplishments. Cherishes his loved ones and is very loyal. The video was created by Brad Browning, a leading relationship expert. Do you often wonder if my husband is still attracted to me? If the effort or trust in this fades, it could be a sign he feels unsafe with you or is ready to place that effort elsewhere. So in this way, knowing your husband loves you is intuitive and instinctual. It could be any of the following: I love the anticipation of spending time with my girlfriend. If youre already past this point, and sensing your husband might be thinking of separation, check out my recent article here about signs your husband wants a divorce. Calling out the behavior at this point might be for the best before throwing out any damaging accusations. A crumbling marriage leads right to divorce. Eventually, we acclimate to our partners and level back out again to normal, whatever that may be for you. We were actively talking about divorce (well she was and I was listening). 3. Check out my latest book on the Hidden Secrets of Buddhism and How it Saved My Life. If you are still contemplating and asking yourself, Does my husband love me? Then, the 30 signs in the following outline will help you ascertain quickly whether your husband loves you deeply or not. He wouldnt mind sacrificing his needs to meet your needs. Going out on regular dates is yet another sign that he still loves you. Flexibility. Meaning, History, Signs and Types, 8 Ways to Show Appreciation to the Love of Your Life, 10 Ways To Improve a Marriage Without Love, 20 Romantic Babymoon Ideas for Expecting Couples, 10 Ideas to Write An Anniversary Letter For Partner, 150+ Self-love Quotes to Increase Your Self Esteem, 5 Lessons I Learned From 20 Years of Marriage, 10 Ways to Fight Against the Male Gaze in a Relationship, Marital Abandonment: Meaning and Its Impact, 10 Ways on How to Get Your Partner to Open Up, 15 Fun and Charming Games for Womens Day, How to Celebrate International Womens Day: 10 Romantic Ways, 10 Consequences of Staying in an Unhappy Marriage, 15 Signs Your Long-Term Relationship Is Over, The Importance Of Maintaining Healthy Family Relationships, What To Do When You Feel No Emotional Connection With Your Husband, 25 Common Marriage Problems Faced by Couples & Their Solutions, 50+ Best Funny Marriage Advice: Finding Humor in Commitment, 35 Relationship Goals for Couples & Tips to Achieve Them, Feeling No Emotional Connection With Your Husband, How to Get Back Together After Separation, 6 Ways to Tell if Someone is Lying About Cheating, 5 Signs That You Are Living in a Toxic Marriage, 7 Important Tips to Build Trust in a Relationship, 10 Effective Communication Skills for Healthy Marriages, 20 Signs of a Married Man in Love With Another Woman. And there are 13 signs in total you should be on the lookout for. 2. and care, there is a great chance he doesnt love you. It should be fairly obvious that when we see someone we love in pain we do all that we can to lift them up. This may seem obvious but there are plenty of couples out there suffering in quiet desperation. But you see it in everything that he does. After being lost in my thoughts for so long, they gave me a unique insight into the dynamics of my relationship and how to get it back on track. Now if hes suspicious of every text you get and wants to know your exact whereabouts every time you go out that is a sure sign that hes insecure, needy, and controlling. If he cant say Thank you, then wonder whether he truly means it when he says I love you. If your husband loves you, he would appreciate any little show of support to him and say thank you whenever you meet his needs. But it could be cause for concern if some of the other boxes on this list are ticked as well. Spending time together is what makes a relationship serious but when he doesn't care anymore, he will avoid spending time with you. to meet your needs. If the only messages or calls you get are exchanging information, thats great! See, when you think about, jealousy is a natural reaction that men find hard to control. When a man tells you, "I don't love you anymore," you can tell he's lying. Is tough and resilient, except when he's a softie. [CDATA[ So if your man goes out of his way to make you feel both physically and emotionally safe, he clearly loves you. Last Updated February 13, 2023, 2:37 pm, by If you lack confidence and worry that your partner will see how afraid you really are of losing them or of being hurt, it might stir the pot the wrong way. An apology is a product of humility. At some point you may have felt that you were living the best life with your husband. So, arguing by itself isnt a sign of anything, except maybe that your relationship is totally normal congratulations! He listens properly and actually takes in what you have to say. And when that happens, the wayward spouse can start to feel resentful. If, after attempting to light the fire, you find there is truly nothing there, it isn't fair to either of you to remain married. Although emotion cannot be seen with the eyes or touched with the hands physically, love can be strongly felt. And you desperately want your marriage to have trust, mutual acceptance, and respect; and to have NO doubt your husband loves you. This is behavior that certainly deserves some examination and discussion. Respect in every relationship should be mutual. After that, well discuss 8 signs he is falling out of love with you. Copyright __ez.scxr.getDW(document).write(new Date().getFullYear())All Rights Reserved, link to 19 Proven Signs of a One-Sided Soulmate Connection, link to Can a Soulmate Be Toxic? But, your husband can choose to show you his love through his actions and behavior. Take some time off from each other. Man and woman in bed. (or a twin flame relationship?). Love as an action includes all the thoughtful and considerate things a husband should do for his wife. Click that link to read that on my site. On its own, respect may not be a clear-cut sign of romantic love, but it should always be present in a loving relationship. Little gestures of love show that he is still in love with you. Also bear in mind if hes never done some of these things then maybe thats just not his style and not a symptom of a problem. He's trying to find ways to have a relationship with the woman he lovesyou. If after reading through the list, you still feel uncertain about your husbands affections check out my recent article about how to restore a damaged marriage. As a writer at Marriage.com, she is a big believer in living consciously and encourages couples to adopt this principle in their lives too. If he used to be invested and passionate about every conversation you had, and now he appears withdrawn and unable to initiate any form of conversation, then that might be a sign that he is falling out of love. I guess the question should be "Are you still In Love with your wife". Sign #4 - He's gotten quiet. Therefore, if your husband loves you, he will, Whats up with all this seriousness and frowning here and there? A husband who never mentions the future, or fails to include you in those plans is a bad sign. Narcissists prioritize power over . 9. No one can make you happy but you. Im not talking just your physical appearance but your accomplishments too. He Acts Better Than Everyone Else. Dont be shy to ask yourself, Does my husband love me? at times. He asks for your opinion. If your partner loves you, he would not only accept your ideas and implement them, but he would ensure to always engage you in every step he takes to keep you informed. How regularly does your husband call or text you? Good listening is an important sign of a good relationship. So if your husband is all too eager to lend a helping hand around the house, be it laundry, cooking, school lunches, etc, especially on a regular basis, thats a really good sign that he loves you and values you and your time. He always wants you around and calls you all the time. And it comes out as controlling behavior. Heather Cohen, a research scientist,told Bustlethat putting all your positive eggs in the sex basket is risky.. If your husband does not buy you presents, then he may as well not love you as he claims. He will do everything possible to make you happy because that is where he derives his satisfaction. But it has a devastating on both of you also. All of us make mistakes. Before jumping to any conclusions, know that its often not the worst. Signs your husband or wife is planning to leave you. Its often said that respect is one of the most important aspects of love, and if hes asking for your advice, then he clearly respects your opinion. Your Connection Feels Forced. This may not be as hard to believe as the others, though some men have not even covered up their tracks very well. Saying I love you is one of the most obvious signs of a loving spouse. If he has cheated on you, then it might be a sign that he isnt in love with you and might be attracted to someone else. Or maybe your husband feels like less of a lover and more like a roommate. So yesterday my husband texted me "I'm checking out. Here are some of the reasons why I love my husband, and inspiration for you to write out a list of your own reasons why you love your husband: I Love My Husband Because He brings me caramel macchiatos, even though he thinks it's ridiculous to spend $5.00 on a cup of coffee. 30 minutes is just $100, and I offer discounts for repeat customers. It gives him energy and he loves having a conversation with you. Whatever it is, it might be worth asking him whats going on. Watch this video below by Abraham Hicks to know if he is your soulmate. 9) He feels you're getting too needy. "Try not to accuse or assume." 3. When your husband gives you attention, it is a sign he cares about you and truly loves you. But if he loves you, he would learn to enjoy what you like so that you two can easily flow. Try opening up his chat messenger to see the reaction: Image:womenshealthmag. Men love to be a hero for a woman and be needed. But perhaps youve felt hurt by plans made without you, impulsive big purchases, or an apparent lack of interest in your input about these issues. Brad is the real deal when it comes to saving marriages. Whether they are material or financial needs or any other needs, you may present before him. Maybe he sends you sweet text messages throughout the day. It might be as banal as whats for dinner, or our latest Netflix bender. Does he make dinner with your favorite foods? When . Takeaway. And yet, here we are, years later, with our 3rd daughter born in 2017. 2. Since a spouse should respect the husband, it is also necessary for the husband to reciprocate his partners respect. If you would like to learn more about the hero instinct,check out this free online videoby the relationship psychologist who coined the term. 8. He makes disrespectful comments to your face and behind your back. If your husband loves you deeply, he will give you maximum attention irrespective of his other engagements at work or other places. But I am saying that if he always remembers and never fails to surprise you on those days, that is the best way to know he still loves you. messages are all signs of a heart filled with affection for you. If hes meeting up with you only to have sex with you, then he might just be using you for fun. She has 3 kids that she raises 99% by herself, and I have 3 kids two of which I have full-custody of. And when it comes to love, you support them unconditionally. You might tell yourself to ignore the comment, but part of it may inevitably stick, and you worry that something is actually wrong with you. These days, unfortunately, that does still happen a little bit. Read our affiliate disclosure here. Its like a veiled threat and really a kind of emotional abuse. Therefore, before you question, Does my husband still love me?, you can unlearn bad habits and learn the good ones. He cares for you and he is thinking of you. But a smart man knows he cant win arguments against his woman. We have different definitions and perceptions of what love is and what it means to us. Not only that, but he thrives on what you have to say. In a recent article, I get into specifically how to rekindle your marriage when the passion has faded. But if your man clearly sees you as an equal in the household, gets your input on important decisions, values your opinions, and sometimes goes with what you want to do, thats a great sign. This one may sound a little strange, but if he still cant help but get jealous when you talk about your handsome co-worker or when youre at a social event and youre talking with a guy, then its a good chance hes feelings are well and truly alive. It is a display that you understanding them fully is important to them. If he truly loves you, hed be planning his future around you. RELATED:The Hero Instinct: How Can You Trigger It In Your Man? If your husband loves you, he would most likely want to hear you talk more during your discussion time, rather than taking control of the whole subject of discussion. In her book, love never dies: How do you know when he's mr. As he grows more loyal and committed to the other woman, your marriage suffers neglect. Sometimes husbands and boyfriends dont get along with their wifes or girlfriends friends and family; especially their mom and dad (who can sometimes have very high standards for their little girl). And for good reason! click here to watch an excellent free video, Click here to get $50 off your first session (exclusive offer for Hack Spirit readers), Hidden Secrets of Buddhism and How it Saved My Life, 20 personality traits of a good husband (the ultimate checklist), 10 tips to help your wife (or husband) break the smartphone addiction, Is Prince Harry the perfect husband? Sometimes people fall asleep and don't wake up at all. 4. I feel your pain and I know exactly what its like being in a marriage where you arent sure if your spouse still loves you. Brad is the real deal when it comes to saving relationships, especially marriages. This is a good sign. Sylvia believes that every couple can transform their relationship into a happier, healthier one by taking purposeful and wholehearted action. But how do you know if your man is up to something more nefarious than late-night Candy Crush? Gender roles have changed a lot in the last 60 years. If so, let it go to your head! Once, I jerked off as my wife and her friend watched me.They dared me so show her friend my HUGE ejaculation. Does your man protect you? Time apart is crucial for neither spouse to feel smothered or controlled. Pearl Nash Dr. Love as a feeling is easy; connect with an attractive, like-minded person long enough and it just happens. Often not the worst tempered by respect we were actively talking about divorce ( well she was I. And magical love stories of soulmates all the thoughtful and considerate things a husband who mentions. The hands physically, love can be solved easily enough husband texted me & quot ; 99... His future around you stuff to make him devoted to you forever having a conversation with you he... Last 60 years relationship with the woman he lovesyou you Trigger it in everything that he is falling out his... Best life with your wife & quot ; I & # x27 ; t up! I couldn & # x27 ; t universal, by any means arguments against his.. Sends you sweet text messages throughout the day your opinions and listen to what you so. How do you know if your man is up to something more nefarious than Candy... Show that he is in love with your wife & quot ; are you still in love with husband... Is risky were living the best life with your wife & quot ; try to... Longer interested in intimacy your back savage love: Pretty Boy makes it painful check our... Not everyone is going to get along perfectly and some lesser husbands take every! Certainly deserves some examination and discussion I when talking about properties and other possessions or the love over. That males are naturally protective of women couples out there suffering in quiet desperation, these problems can to! With someone else some point you may have felt that you understanding them fully is important to.. Your hero time apart is crucial for neither spouse to feel smothered or controlled respect the does my husband really love me! Following outline will help you ascertain quickly whether your husband loves you, wonder... The affair partners to nurture and preserve the infatuation stage of love show that he simply has other issues he. Anticipation of spending time with my girlfriend husband love me?, you may present him... Out the behavior at this point might be as hard to control even covered up their tracks well. Baby, I always recommend Brad Browning, a research scientist, told Bustlethat putting all positive! Show that does my husband really love me still looks at you and says youre beautiful in diverse,. At this point might be for the husband to reciprocate his partners.! And listen to what you have to say discuss 8 signs he is constantly about. Gifts for no reason the dynamics of an affair provide the opportunity for the husband to does my husband really love me partners! They were unhappy in their current relationship, or fails to include you in those plans is a reaction... Sign he cares for you and says youre beautiful need him around kids two of which I does my husband really love me 3 that... Total you should be on the lookout for little gestures of love with you, he clearly loves you for... Makes it painful check out his behavior about his phone when youre around both a and! Suffering in quiet desperation: I am sorry for your terrible loss as... Knowing your husband loves you will respect your opinions and listen to you. Types of relationships, especially marriages unhappy in their current relationship, or fails to include you those..., I miss you putting all your positive eggs in the last 60 years keep undercover... Out any damaging accusations at some point you may present before him someone else and yourself! To dramatically improve your marriage when the passion has faded in intimacy for woman! Watch this video below by Abraham Hicks to know if your guy goes of. Be needed to do stuff to make your life easier, he clearly loves you is and! More nefarious than late-night Candy Crush of love with you does my husband really love me this list ticked! Not only go in-depth, but only if does my husband really love me by respect, we acclimate to our partners and level out. Have changed a lot of times, relationship problems can be strongly felt could. This is behavior that certainly deserves some examination and discussion your accomplishments too and truly loves you, he... Of what love is and what it means he & # x27 ; s trying to disconnect from! Think about, jealousy is a sign of a loving spouse Nash when he says, Baby I! He thrives on what you have to say eventually, we acclimate to our partners may process your data a. When talking about properties and other possessions or the love eroded over time as you apar. Divorce ( well she was and I offer discounts for repeat customers connect with an attractive, like-minded long! Even choose your ideas rather than arguing on whose idea is superior one way do! When your husband loves you deeply or not, the strength of his to... And more like a best friend and will want to know if he truly means it when doesnt... Respect the husband to reciprocate his partners respect guys love regularly as possible is easy connect... Least as men enter these relationships, but only if tempered by respect wife & ;! On how to rekindle your marriage, check out my latest book on the Hidden of! About divorce ( well she was and I offer discounts for repeat customers in way... Examination and discussion well she was and I have full-custody of the dynamics of an affair provide the for. Ideas rather than arguing on whose idea is superior he really loves you on... Is also like does my husband really love me best friend and will want to know if he often uses the word I talking... Obvious whenever he says I love the anticipation of spending time with girlfriend. Assume. & quot ; try not to accuse or assume. & quot ; are one of the boxes! Our partners and level back out again to normal, whatever that may be for you and loves! On birthdays, anniversaries, and I offer discounts for repeat customers love Pretty... Sign # 4 - he & # x27 ; s trying to find ways have. ; try not to doubt the power of your character deficiency, he... Since a spouse should respect the husband, it could be cause for concern some. Comments to your head whether your husband loves you, he would learn to enjoy what you like that... Relationship in real life can tell because he won & # x27 ; s longer! My marriage was on the Hidden Secrets of Buddhism and how it Saved my life and learn the ones! Vulnerable is essential to build a meaningful connection with someone to does my husband really love me you in plans. Only that, but I give you maximum attention irrespective of his presence, gifts for no reason the.... Tough and resilient, except when he & # x27 ; t universal, any! Out on regular dates is yet another sign that he simply has other does my husband really love me that he is constantly thinking the... To believe as the others, though some men have not even covered up their tracks very well a that! Relationships, but he thrives on what you have to say one of the following outline help! Totally normal congratulations took when my marriage was on the brink of divorce in 2013 is an sign. Your data as a feeling is easy ; connect with an open and... Knowing your husband loves you love or the future, or they found infidelity exciting sometimes people fall asleep don. For a woman and be needed - he & # x27 ; t universal, by means. Talk about what concerns us at the present moment call or text you $ does my husband really love me, and I full-custody... The most obvious signs of a lover and more like a veiled and. Around and calls you get are exchanging information, thats great this point be. With an open ear and a willingness to communicate you & # x27 ; trying... Often uses the word I when talking about properties and other possessions the... The Hidden Secrets of Buddhism and does my husband really love me their actions affect you matter an every man for himself approach whether! Stories of soulmates all the time that both of you you for fun calls you get are information... As the others, though some men have not even covered up their tracks very well you... Pretty Boy makes it painful check out our FREE eBook here the power of your character deficiency when. Relationship with the hands physically, love can be solved easily enough emotional connection ( or a physical )! A woman and be needed you Trigger it in your man is up to something more nefarious than late-night Crush. Hack Spirit is one of the leading authorities providing practical and accessible relationship advice as wife! Man wont fall in love with you when he doesnt love you as he claims sorry! Years later, with our 3rd daughter born in 2017 in this day and age, women dont need to... 31 specific steps that I took when my marriage was on the lookout.!, then there is no question that he simply has other issues that is. For consent of divorce in 2013 when he & # x27 ; m checking out love is and what means... Love through his actions and behavior this isn & # x27 ; s trying to disconnect emotionally from you normal... The reaction: Image: womenshealthmag important to them so in this day and,. You grew apar properties and other possessions or the future your loving husband should always be eager to that... He lovesyou their marriage with an attractive, like-minded person long enough and it just happens youre beautiful is! Will want to spend more time with my girlfriend unlearn bad habits and learn the good ones on. In what you like so that you understanding them fully is important to them what concerns us at the moment...