I thought hed at least try to make a plan. But hes not different. I just now accidentally found this article and my rather lengthy comment. (this actually backfired) and caused huge tension and we nearly broke up several times, but when i tried to give him more space to understand his situation, my worst fears came true because we started talking less and less. If youre not happy then leave him, its that simple. I understand exactly where youre coming from. He Is Going Through Something Leaving a person you love is one of the hardest things to do. I got back with my ex after months. I would NEVER drop my whole life for a Man! What Im gonna do? You deserve so much more. He does not even get up in the morning and brush his teeth, put on deodorant ,etc. He doesnt call me much. They say age shouldnt matter, but it does play a part. He used to do things for me but it seems like he doesnt do anything. I try to help him to make it easier for him since I know he has a lot on his plate but he doesnt seem to notice that. But I cant help but fear the same thing would happen again anytime soon.Im also an overthinker and I feel like hes losing interest cause hes been recently behaving like this frequently. What started as my dream sex life is now I am lucky if we do it once a month and it is usually on his terms, NOT when *I* am in the mood, planned and boring and routine. If I try to tell him how much I care he insists I dont. We were fine for the first 6 months, then with this virus we havent been able to see each other. I am the first gf my bf ever had and theres only so much I can pin on that reason. You cant make him love you, or force him to make an effort in your relationship. This is good advice thanks, Ive been dating my boyfriend for six months now and its been a really hard couple of months for us. I make sure I put into the relationship as much as I get. From what i have learned about him, I know he is someone who does not really know what dating is. If he doesnt wake up and go on the game he wakes up and lays down on the sofa (when not at work) I do all the DIY. I bought him a journal for prompting thoughts of positivity and gratitude, He acted appreciative and was OK to do the morning and evening prompts. Reading thru the comments solidifies my opinion that any woman who actually feels, attempts to comprehend said feelings, does her due diligence to ensure consideration for any other human being that may be identified as part of her analysis, and is able to attempt to reconcile the differences that led her to see things she could have done better is going to accept that her analysis as follows: She will always be in confused state of mind until she accepts that he doesnt have to put in effort to do or say anything for her to feel he loves her because like all children do, the man-child she wants so badly messed up, smashed thru her boundaries he forgot the moment he sw her lips stop movinb, blamed her for being so stupid n try to set boundaries HAHA,and eventually his man-child tantrum scores him the win! Were both still full time students living at home. In a year and a half weve gone on maybe 2 dates and I had to beg for them. And he knows that Im on the edge of being homeless and I know theres not much he can do. If you depend on him for your self-identity and self-image, then you have to learn how to be an emotionally strong woman in your relationships. ! And then what we talked about was not set in stone and that things change. There is no consistency. Maybe if you dont hear from him send him a positive text that you are thinking of him but let him come to you. He has said that he would maybe consider living together in five years. Around the 5th month, he asked me to be his girlfriend but then he quickly retracted it after realizing how serious we were about to be. Im an emotional person but I always try to talk and let him know Im upset so that he knows not to act a certain way. Hes the opposite. I really think this will be a good thing for us because Ill be able to have my own independence and maybe make him see that I can be happy without him (even tho as of right now we are planning on staying together and commuting to each other when we can). Sry forgot to put this i didnt know if I could or not but where Im at its not illegal plus I was 16 and he was 18 but. Im dating this guy for 3 years now. He only tells me he loves me on text hardly to my face until I say it first. I hate to say it maybe he did something he wasnt so suppose to and felt guilty leading him to end things. He told me he still wanted me and he loved me so i started talking to him again but things still felt weird. Another thing that bothers me is he will ask me about my day or some other question, then when I answer, he switches the subject back to himself. im not sure what to do anymore. But now that he has you he sees he doesnt have to try anymore. but again i was stupid and foolish.. i was so considerate to him that i believed that things will be different this time. Which actually does NOT suck because I was married for 24 years and I dont miss having to make sure someone eats supper, has clean clothes, etc. Ive been doing long distance for nearly 4 years now which hasnt been so good with COVID but honestly thats just an excuse, I think our relationship was still doing bad back then. All I can suggest is continue to be very clear with your communication. I just want the real him back! Anyways, good luck, and I hope things turn out well for you! We get along well because we were good friends before the relationship, we have a lot in common, but spent a little time together in person before the relationship, communicating mainly online. Help. Now if I even suggest or hint at sex it is another argument. He says I cant accept him for who he is because he had been this way all his life, but I tried to explain that its taking a toll on me. I told him about how I felt scared I looked too nerdy in my full protection hear and helmet and everyone else wasnt wearing any. So yeah after that we began talking and calling. Im in college and so is he. He also said that I know how he is and that he is tired from work. You see, now when you decide to leave him, its not because you dont love him, but its because you love yourself and respect yourself far more than you love him. So I like to know what hes doing or who hes with for peace of mind. The truth is that there are a number of reasons that could cause your partner to check out emotionally. You cant change how he acts toward youyou can only change your expectations. But hes continued to ignore my texts/ doesnt make effort to see me. I get it Im not a good gamer but I like the company. But he want to intimate with me. I think that might make him feel better. You can let go slowly at first and just start seeing other people. We have a 12 year old daughter. This guy never learned to be a good partner, and it sounds like he doesnt know how to try now, either. Within the past 2 years. Its more about him being a hero. When he wants to intimate with me i have told him severl times i do not trust you,because i couldnt forget that incident. But it hasnt. I couldnt take the iPad with me if i snuck out but i did tell him to meet me at my gate at midnight. Not ever. The littlest things set him off, and me as well. His self-absorbtion is engrained and chronic- and not my issue to fix. I have been dating my boyfriend for 6 months also and at the beginning he put in so much effort above and beyond and now its like he is a different person. Im slowly giving up but everytime i try to let go he acts like he rlly loves me and he wants me back. InWhen He Doesnt Make Time for You: How to Create More Love in Your Relationship, Byron Katie shows a man how to build a better relationship by questioning thoughts such as I want him to spend more time with me.. I think him doing that even though you have said you arent okay with it is extremely disrespectful and shows he doesnt care about your feelings. He doesnt pay me a visit at our house- he actually did, 3 times to be exact (there was a celebration in those times). Again, tons of excuses. Me and him didnt talk all day but that didnt matter at first cause he slept while i went to school but then he started to sleep at night like a normal person and so I would go to school and ft him right when school got out and we would fall asleep on ft together. Even though hes not there, I definitely dont sit home pining away for him. Hes too shy to talk to you directly. I am struggling to deal with mine and have decided to back away, which is hard, however I want to see if he makes an effort when Im no longer at his beckon call all the time. I dont know why he continues on with me if he has no interest. So I stopped doing that and now treat him like just a friend. He got a divorce just over two years ago and lately he has been having some family issues. That should be enough. There are sometimes I try to talk to him about my day, and he is listening but he doesnt engage or seem interested. But I just feel unwanted and that all I do for him is in vain. I appreciate when he does make effort and try to acknowledge it but it quickly goes away like he doesnt mean it. Then they show us who they really are and we dont want to see. I did confront him regarding that and he said he still feels the same.But his recent actions have been bugging me and I cant help but feel like hes ignoring me on purpose,like hes tired of me. Im still waiting on unemployed from when I lost my ft job in Sept. My tuition for spring is late. I almost believe he is avoiding me for not been attracted to me.I am sure that he wants me and I feel frustrated with his actions but I do love other qualities he has. I was the one initiating our relationship and I feel like he thinks just being there is enough for me. Perhaps he thinks guys dont need to make an effort in relationships, and girlfriends should do all the work. You wouldnt be HERE if you thought your gut was wrong. He called and asked me to come and get himwhich I did. With his work schedule he doesnt make any effort. This past year has been a struggle, and I dont know what it means. Sadly, he doesnt ask questions about me, my life before. We would always say I like you instead of I love you. dont know if you guys familliar with Myasthenia gravis.. its an auto immune decease which makes your muscle gets weak. Hi im kushi, 25yrs old.. My boyfriend and I have been in our relationship for 3yrs now.. Im a stay home mom right now but still help my BF with reports, programs etc for work. Thanks for your confidence in a random stranger. You dont have to ask him to take care of you or pull you out of that sorrow. and drags me with this idea too. Overuse of the phone, computer, social media, and video gamesalong with an unwillingness to unplug even after being askedis a big departure from the early "getting to know you" phase of your relationship when all conversations seemed interesting and all concentration was focused on your time together. My guy is the same way. Idk what to do I dont want to lose him but i cant tell if he loves me or not he says he rlly does but doesnt act like it. Also, he says he is claustrophobic and that a lot of kissing makes him feel smothered. I have 2 kids and he has 1(im 22 hes turning 23). He doesnt do laundry, dishes, cook or clean. Im going through the same thing now. I just badly like him and want to care of him. It is just hurtful to know that he could not even think of doing this one thing for me. He doesnt ask about my life and hes still working with his ex wife in a business relationship. Either speak up about these things or get out of that relationship. I am very fortunate to be free from that. I know it sounds like Im materialistic but Im not, I just want effort. Any thoughts ppl? thats about it. Now, what do I *do*? Because you are a happy individual yourself, he would feel lucky to share his life with you. kissing, hugging, sex, cuddling, EVERYTHING! There may be more social pressure on men to be the ones who go after women, but hes got feelings too. The only thing I get from him are words. That same night, he stopped replying and was offline cause they had some family time and it seems his granny got ahold of all the electrical gadgets to make them sleep early.He told me the next day and we did catch up.I thought we were going back on track until he,again,stopped replying at some point. A couple passing times of the day, well meet just for a couple minutes. And mind you the beginning of relationship we always traveled and did things together. his excuse of not having quality time? If you aren't getting the attention you need and deserve, it may be time to move on. Forgive me for my writing as it is 1 am. Im scared to tell him that I dont feel like we talk or text enough because I feel like thats already a red flag. Were both going to France in September as part of college and were going to different parts of France. Like we will be having a nice time and something sets him off and he just spirals. I suppose its not at all about him but when I have time to think, my mind goes to him. Not just that, sexually as well. I get Fridays and the weekend which I use to do an my studying, school work, exercise, self care, etc. Start by letting go slowly. Then he will call and say he thinks he will just wait until Sunday morning to come down, Sunday morning he says maybe that afternoon. And now he hasnt talked to me in almost three weeks. Should I quit or continue with the relationship? Also, Ive been having a lot of cheating dreams but Im assuming its because he doesnt make me feel secure in the relationship because of the change. A lovely text of him telling me that we can talk everyday when I wake up in the morning. I know he is a shy guy, this isnt personal to me hes like it with his friends and they have shared this with me. I am so sorry you are going through this. His plan to get a better job (he was very cocky and confident a massive promotion would just land on his lap as soon as he graduated like one day someone would email him out of the blue from Linkedin and offer him a CEO job or something) so he has become depressed. All relationships are unique. I could have written that. You wish your boyfriend was as attentive and loving as he was at the beginning of your relationship. My boyfriend and I both 21 have been dating for almost 3 years and for almost 2 years he has been serving the military back home with only weekends to spare and while I am in Canada studying for almost a year. Date. I dont expect a perfect relationship but I guess he does. The crazy thing about all this is that even tho Im the one craving attention and love and effort in the relationship, he actually relies on me a lot. I dont get any attention unless Im the first one to initiate things. Sometimes when I try to kiss him he shoved me away. I am not happy in this relationship at all. Hes never really posted pictures of us on social media and hes been very non intimate. Hasnt bought me nothing but flowers once and concert tickets which was canceled cuz of covid. Lately, it feels like we fight all the time. This is the only problem in our relationship, the lack of effort. We must set boundaries and let no man cross them. After being ignored all week he told me he was going on a boys trip, except he failed to mention he was already on the road out of town. I barely work because the program Im in is so stressful and demanding that I nearly burned out and almost flunked out of the program in fall. I didnt see him so I thought maybe he didnt want to show up. This is where my first question comes in: how well do you know your boyfriend? I was very prioritized in his life before but now he does not want to place me as high on his priority list anymore. Wow I can relate so much to this. it took me years before I finally moved on. I dont think that birthday present is coming, but if it ever does, it will probably be your last. Covid has not helped at all. Now that we have a son and Im not as fit as I used to be what does he think of me now? This is all so contradictory and Im confused about our relationship. If you almost never see each other, then sitting down to talk about your relationship or his lack of effort would look much different than if you live together. Hello everyone, Ive been with my boyfriend for two years, hes a good man, kind and gentle and always takes care of me. I feel so let down all the time when I really am not asking for much. Once I asked him for a selfie and he said no because he thought I only did it to prove something to people. No boyfriend in the world can fill the emptiness that only God can fill. I want to be with him but Im also scared that Im wasting my young years and wake up one day regretting not leaving bc he isnt going to change how he is for me or at least try for me. We both have made developments and decided to let go of our bad past. I tell him how much it hurts when he says certain things and that there is ZERO excuse for intentionally hurting someone we love. But refuses to do that for me. Hes never been married no kids etc. And then he apologize to me and said he just feel pitty of me. Recently I even paid half of his carnote because he didnt have the money until next week & I couldnt get my hair or nails done. I thought that would be an isolated incident but it happened again this weekend. Thank you Sumiah, for your response and your concern. I love him but Im not fully happy with all this lazy effort ?. It was great for a few months, but now the lock down is over (here in Europe) I feel like hes starting to make less effort again, prioritizing sports and friends again. In fact, because you are so young, they will most likely find you when you least expect it. Sounds exactly like me and my ex. He dosnt wnt to sex i know that well. yes I did give myself to him.he was my first.. and it was the second time I snuck out but I did everything for him and I get ignored. Seriously WTF? I always refuse because I want to make it on my own. I keep trying to tell myself this is just a bad patch until I finish school and get a full-time job again- now that hes finally got a new job and should be happy. You cant control your feelings, but you can control what you say and do. I assumed I was losing my shit and being too emotional, but its the 70 hr work week and the MBA When you go without sleep for extended periods of time, you start developing symptoms that look similar to depression. Also his mum is very protective of him and has him wrapped around his finger, when she wants him home he goes which is very frustrating for me. He still did not make much of an effort as far as even coming to visit me. How can he be so sure of that and not even care to nurture our relationship? The one time I did ask him to pick me up at the train, he forgot. Im sorry. I worked until 11 pm and he worked until 7 and this morning I even brought everything out ingredients wise for him to FOR ONCE make me dinner because I was getting home SO late and SO exhausted. HE DOESNT TAKE THE TRASH OUT ANYMORE. Even after arising that issue betwn us, he didnt make any efforrs to regain my trust for him. 2 years ago I started dating this guy and I knew then with him about a year and a 1/2 ago he made it clear that he still loves his ex wife but due to my health circumstances I had no choice but to move in I had nowhere else to go for me and my kids. Then rock bottom hits, I ended up having to go to urgent care bc of an allergic reaction to a flu shot I had gotten. I got to see him in person for the first time and we were in love. Our plan for celebrating our anniversary like its nothing? I dont know what he wants from me. But you have to become selfless. Its too much. Why should women do all the work no they shouldnt it should be a mutual thing. So, whether you've only just noticed your partner giving you the proverbial cold shoulder or have undergone the iciness for weeks/months/years, now is the time to take a closer look at your relationship to establish the reason for the discontent and determine if the partnership is worth mending. Im in school full time until July 2023 and though I have a flex pt job at Amazon, the hours and job itself is so crappy. This is literally me. He talks about himself so much but never asks about me. I think women pick up on subtleties and there is something up. Unless he drank to much then he was argumentative and yucky. He is quite affectionate and does make sure the bills are paid etc. I feel like now hes doing things to purposely piss me off like not talk to me all day or say that Im always starting crap. how to respond when your boyfriend stops texting you, When He Doesnt Make Time for You: How to Create More Love in Your Relationship, how to be an emotionally strong woman in your relationships, 11 Ways to Stop Being the Clingy Girlfriend in a Relationship, 6 Ways to Handle a Boyfriend Who Doesn't Have Time for You, What to Do When Your Boyfriend Stops Texting or Calling You, Did He Stop Making an Effort? He didnt want to and i ended up cheating. In the first year of the relationship it was really good and he made an effort to be with me, and I felt like he really loved me. After going through with this behaviour for around 3 months (I was going insane) I caught him lying and speaking to a number of females behind my back as more than just friends. Try to change. Im afraid the only way we can turn this scenario upside down is by starting to love and care about ourselves more. I dont feel that he supports me in my decisions on things. If youre not walking out the door, you are telling him that his behavior is acceptable. I met my boyfriend at work. I think its not enough to say I dont feel like Im a priority. I have tried so many times to let the relationship go and have broken up with him, but he does not want to let me go. He always gives excuses such as I just ate and no matter what I still put my pride aside and do it for him. I told him 3 times that this has bothered me and he has made no effort to change this. You are strong. It sucks not feeling secure but really if its meant to be it will be. work game sleep. Its about dealing with regret, coping with guilt, and healing shame. But also in the past few months he has also started growing his own pot, which I cant handle. Also, and Im not materialistic by any means, hes offered to buy me lots of things or even just give me money to help with bills. This leaves us hanging on in hopes they will be that guy again. Everything is fried up. Im at a loss. Which I know I do and Ive thought about sooooo much, but my problem is is that I actually cant imagine my life without him, hes been in it so deeply since we were 13/14 and I love him so much. my boyfriend doesnt want to spend time with me either but i dont trip i just stay at home i have no friends i do all i can for him and his children and he texts other girls send titts and pussy shots from his children mothers i rub his feet when he gets off work feed him so that he could save his money he even went on a trip without me but i keep his daughter while he was gone and all i ask is for him to spend a little time with me or even buy me a gift hell i would be happy with a trip to mcdonalds i know thats sad am totally not happy with this relationship. and that is why up to now im still here with him despite the unhappiness. I have gone through stuff and I am usually everyones rock but even I need space from time to time. Then I gave up on trying to figure it out. He lost his dad, my nana nearly died and now needs constant care then her partner died and now this lockdown. Ive held up my end and have been a loving girlfriend but Im not getting much back, but am also afraid of being alone. Wow!Same here. Just know youre not the only one feelings this Im not sure what is going on because I confront him about it and he says he just hasnt been on his phone. We no longer sleep in the same bed, he has chosen to sleep on the couch. Weve been together for 5 years. Ive changed from an angry tone to a more assertive one but even if we sort them out, hed revert back to his old habits and ill start pointing fingers and he shuts it out again and eventually we stop talking about it altogether. Did your boyfriend stop making an effort because hes distracted or stressed about something else in his life? Mildly work related topics but no reason for the call other than chat and vent. 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