If Im the only one home she wants me, but if dads home, its mommy who? This really hurts my feelings since I do everything for her, I want to hold her and play with her so bad but so often she rejects me. Eventually I had to admit that this was not helping either her or me and quit with breastfeeding, something that hurts me to my core. Our job is then to not take it personally, not reinforce it by showing strong emotions, but simply allow our children to for some reason need one parent more than the other from time to time, It is painful, but it is normal development. Hi i have been a stay at home mom since my 3 year old was born, but now my 17 month old son seems to not want me or love me. I just persevered like you, and it really did get better. do my twins love me less? Im very hurt and try not let it get to me but its hard. The last thing I want is for her to get older and call me mom when she sees me (even in public areas were if Im with her and she calls me mom everyone will look at me funny!). I work very part time 3 days a week for a total of 16 hours. my in-laws dun understand wen i tells them. 8) Life is hard for everyone, working moms included. I was scared of her! I hope what you said is true and its just a phase. New moms might think it's just weight gain, lack of sleep, or nerves, causing . You sound beyond sad, really despairing. I try to fix this by not responding to the kid and shouting at her and show her that I am bad. It hurts so bad and I feel like a failure, but I have to work to make money. They might have some preference at 1 point or the other, bt just continue loving them and they wd return it back eventually. Perhaps though your sense of defeat is becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy of sorts. It's never easy dealing with a toddler rejecting mom. I do everything for him and it makes me very sad. I wonder why this isnt written about or talked about more widely. Consider using an Supplemental Nursing System to supplement. I come from work and he doesnt care if I am there I feel horrible because if my sister comes he gets so so happy and he crawls so fast to her and he wants her to carry him I get so sad but I keep it inside until tonight I just couldnt I cried and thought does he not love me? Pennsylvania mom Rebecca Shumard gave birth to daughter Eden at 27 weeks. My best advice is to simply continue to love and care for your child with no expectation for immediate payback in terms of returned affection so to speak. my 13 month old is having the worth temper tandrums ever. Nursing strikes happen for many reasons. She didnt when she newborn and she doesnt now. Here is the background: Ive been dating my boyfriend for over a year but knew him and his daughter since she was 8 months. I have to admit that I was very impressed by his childcare skills. grandma was kinda showin me the ropes and showin me some tricksi also do alot of running around during the day so grandma watches her.now, when i have her and she gets upset she screams for mme. But I only see her a few hours a day when I work (weekdays). I have no idea what to do I play with her, I am the person that teaches her everything she knows, I am the one who gets up in the night to comfort her, I am the one preparing food and doing all the motherly things that need doing cuddling and playing but she still doesnt want me most of the time. Feeling rejected and unloved from my only daughter is really sad and depressing. But I see no end to this..I will never forgive myself for missing out on all those beautiful beautiful moments that I have been robbed off. It is an intensive period. amitabh bachchan interview 1984; breckenridge mn high school; baby rejecting mom after going back to work. As there are lots of conflicting priorities, it is hard to say when it is the right time. If you are going back to work at 6 weeks, you could start introducing your baby to a bottle about two weeks beforehand. Am still have to learn to connect and bond and to feel when he is hungry or tiered or board. Somtimes she seems to get very distressed, but at bedtime I read to her and hold her, my wife says Im the best person to get her to sleep? As soon as she sees me she crys my mamma and whines and doesnt want him to come near her or even talk to her. Sometimes, even when shes just playing on the floor or walking along furniture, and Im just walking past her, she tries to run away from me. If your baby was nursing well and suddenly refuses your breast, this may be what some call a . I mean, she barely gets to see you and she is used to you maybe so she doesnt really know what else to do. So once him and I began dating his daughters mother began using the daughter as leverage to get things in return for him to spend time with his daughter. If he feels scared or sick she is the only person who can comfort him. Reclaim your motherhood of your child. Hello everyone i am a stay home mom from the day my baby boy was born i do EVERYTHING for him!!! Usually at this age, making sure that your child isnt doing anything dangerous (swallowing things, climbing too high, running out in the street, biting himself or other children et cetera) is more or less enough as an ambition. Its putting a lot of strain on our relationship. I am sure you mean really well, but in a way you are saying that you need behave badly for her to appear as a good mom, i.e. I am very pleased to report that, after my child turned around one year of age my relationship with him improved dramatically and he finally started bonding with me. Just remember you are a good mother for having these feelings!! 1. It feels like going back to work is a relief, so I can just..get out of her life and let daddy make her happy. If a baby won't take a bottle, and is becoming anxious even at the sight of one, it may help to disguise it in some way. I feel like Im only good for her when she needs a diaper changed. ), Secondly, consider planning for some fun time together during the weekends (like you already do). This phenomenon of opting out is actually not widespread. I have a 20-month daughter. I had him when I was 38 yrs old and have been a hands on mum all his life. But I really found some comfort when I found this thread and read about other parents similar experiences. My daughter is 15months old. It is quite common to hear new moms worrying about that the love at first sight that they expected when meeting their child for the first time didnt happen. You asked me specifically about whether it would be a good idea if your daughters dad would do mroe of the boring stuff with your daugther and not just you. I thoguht maybe I didnt give her enough love because I was so busy trying to get her into a routine. Its the biggest deal imaginable to that baby. Especially when you have a insane father constantly making complaints and accusations your way just to get the child from you. When i do, shell cry & scream for daddy. This still happens when, for example, he seems disinterested in me when I pick him up from daycare. xxx. First, identify why your baby might be refusing the bottle. there was even one night where she pushed me away and tried to crawl away when i got near. Most nursing strikes are over, with the baby back to breastfeeding, within two to four days. My Mom is the one that takes care of most things around the house while I am working. Right now, all she really needs is love, skin contact and food. oh, my daughter is almost 7 months. in return they are telling me dun seperate them from my child wat can i do . It hurt me so much, I feel as if lm not doing enough. These little fellows are learning that they are separate persons from mom, which they didnt know before and they find it very scary. I know shes only 6 months but shes not loving at all towards me..If i try to hug her and cuddle she pushes and screams and kicks, she would rather go to anyone but me.i treat her like an angel and I dont understand why she doesnt seem to love me.. Shes a really happy smiley baby. Or that babies dont do that. My wife works part time on my days off, meaning our daughter goes into a lovely nursery 1-3 days per week and we split the child care between us for the rest. Play lots of games with your daughter. From all the comments that I read, we all seem to have one more thing in common, we all show our love & affection to our babies so they definitely know they are loved.. And when I get her home she ignores me. Around 12 weeks or so, speak with your boss about the details of your maternity leave. Your daghter is still so young, just one year old. He will also frequently choose his dad over me. But the bond has never come (she is 5 now) I find it hard to love her, probs have more to do with me because I got pregnant again and sort of gave up on her im sorry to say, when my son was born he loved me the best and always wanted me, and she rejected me over and over. Im a stay at home mom and spend pretty much all my time with her. RIght now he is identifying with dad. For you who have to work, find as much time as possible to spend with your daughter. And that is actually the key to your bonding. Dripping a bit of breast milk from the bottle into your baby's mouth can help. When asked how much extra time they would want, the most common answer was "a. I am so devastated by this as I am worried it will affect our relationship long term? I work full time and my one-year-old goes to daycare 3 days per week and stays at home with her dad 2 days per week. But if we can handle it as adults, and give our children both love and space no matter what, I am certain that our long-term relationship AND bother their and our personal development will benefit. should i just let her be with whoever she wants to be with? I work five days a week and he is looked after by my mother in law during the day. A 1 year old will not do anything very differently the next time anyway. I am searching high and low for a place away from her. I also had postpartum for the first 3 or 4 mos and I actually do think that had a role in the bonding problems I had with my baby. She was with me mornings and nights. What a tricky situation you are all in! Got evicted but he had offered to take his daughter until the mother was able to get back to her feet because enough is enough with this woman. I looked after him for 7 months like a single mum as we lived alone. Paula, do you think its because of the association with bad things?? Work with your boss and colleagues to cover your workload and ease the transition. It is not your fault that the first few months were very tough. Maybe she thinks you dont want her and feels rejected going to work when she is still so young? Even if i hold my hand out for her, she clings to my MIL and my husband. Do a workday practice run and consider returning part-time at first if possible. What can I do? Hope this gives someome some encouragement Things really do get better with time. Is that true? Everyone has told me that boys love their mommy and Im sure he does but I wish he didnt do that because like the other moms on this site, it really hurts my feelings. Its been like this since he was a newborn. Frankly, Im glad Im not the only one in the world who is going through this. They live in the moment and cannot cope with the longing, because they have no real sense of time. Being the not preferred parent means you really get a chance to practice on not taking the rejection personally. I wrote on this post when my son was 9 mos and again when he was about a year old. My mom stayed with me for the first four months to help me out. Not to make light of this happening to the dads out there but I think that is more common than the moms as, for the most part, we are the primary caregivers. It's no secret that returning to work after the birth of your child can be overwhelming. Which just doesnt help at all! Just recently he has started clinging to Daddy again, and I noticed that it was coinciding with feeling quite homesick (I live abroad, far away from my parents and siblings). In ramping up to retuning to work after a parental leave . Hi Im a step father an I have a little boy who is 2 now an I been in his life since he was three months old. Mostly because he or she is a baby who really has no idea what "work" is, but also because you're a good mom who loves her baby no matter what. You havent ruined your baby with your sadness. And my dad is simply crazy about her. 1. If Im holding his hand, he lets go to stand at their legs and fuss until he is picked up. I play with him when all I want to do watch TV or take some time to myself. Even if hes holding her and I try to give her a kiss, she turns away and gets upset. She is not a competitor and never will be only you are his mom! So am just going to take every day as it comes I like the advice about spending quality time 5/10/15 min with my boy. Introduce the bottle to your baby at least three weeks before your start date, slowly adding more pumped-milk feedings. Pump or hand express your milk. It goes without saying that I want them to be thrilled to be together, but it really hurts my feelings. It kills me and its making me resent her so much. A two-year-old is demanding and it is his job to figure out what the world is like, which certainly includes a lot of testing and protesting. It has been 37 years and we are not close. Very scary! I dont know what to do. All she needs is her grandparents or father. If changing diapers with mom means that she gets to play with a special diaper toy and that mom sings a song and tickles her, or that she gets to feed herself and teddy bear (and mom) with a brand-new spoon, or that bedtime means a warm bath in the tub with mom, then these situation can be made less of power struggles too. Toddler Milestones. I dont usually do online chatting, but I needed to get this off my chest. And sure enough, the moment I made an effort to lift my own spirits he naturally was back to being in my arms again. Sometimes in 1-2 minutes. Parenthood is a great opportunity for personal development! I recently read a study about the massive positive effects of just spending 15 minutes with a child every day 15 minutes with 100% focus on the child. Try rocking gently whilst feeding. Now he is 22 months and everything has reversed I can see the love I so much needed to see reflected in his eyes and I know he needs and appreciates me. But then I realized that I dont give that to each of my children every day at all. I do everything my mother does yet apparently I dont love her enough!! Create boundaries and routines that support ample family and . I dont want this to have any lasting affects on our long term relationship. I have to try to remember that she is completely egocentric and has no awareness that I have feelings nevertheless I am finding myself in tears more often than not. By Alice Gibbs On 6/23/22 at 12:17 PM EDT. At around 3 to 5 years of age, children tend to become very attached to the parent of opposite gender. And I really hope that this is just a phase that she is going through. She is now my daughters god mother and I consider her a dear friend. Recently my sis in law has come back after her long leave.. my son of 3 years has totally changed seeing his aunt.. since she is at home now, i leave my son with her when i am at work.. Lessons to Learn From the Above Quote. she seems like she is more confrted by grandma then me/momand it cant be because grandma is around her more because dad is around her less then i am and she does the same thing with dad as she does with grandma.she seems conferted by them and not me.so is it possible, she thinks grandma is mom??? She cries hysterically when she hears her mothers voice on the phone and starts saying No No No. we got seperated when she was 17 months. It makes me very sad because she tried so hard for her and I feel like I waited my whole life to have a child and she is our only one and now I wonder what I am doing that is so wrong. Honestly I couldnt really handle it for the 8 or 9 months or however long it lasted for me. Best of luck. Your baby is enjoying the world around him and right now grandma is great fun. everyday i am in tears..cant work ..cant sleep..no peace. Things went downhill from there. when were alone its great but as soon as he sees her he acts like thats his mom. If this has happened to you, you might be sad, worried, and frustrated. I have a 9-month-old baby, who doesnt seem to want me anymore. Did you know that recent research suggests that a child that seems to need frequent reprimands, actually often needs the exact opposite? 11. She breaks her back trying to look for him when he leaves the room. I encourage you, because Ive been there, to seek help if youre struggling with depression. A few family members told me to tell my girlfriends mum & dad (nana, granddad) to back off & give us some space when he was born because they were always round us & wouldnt let us breath. Here are five ways you can get ready to go back to work. Sep. 5, 2016. I see you're still nervous. We are all in the same boat, and seems what I thought was my bad parenting somehow. Take a bath the three of you, cuddle up together for a nighttime story and go out having fun together. I am really shattered. I am really glad to see that I am not the only one with this problem. My Mil also doesnt treat me well and still my child goes to her unknowingly. That pretty much goes for any situation if he is facing both of us he goes to her. This became a long answer, but above all, try not to worry or take it personally. house jobs near tampines; lego art beatles soundtrack; between the lions cliffhanger; professional football academy near mysuru, karnataka; I am a stay at home mom with an almost one year old baby girl. Cared for her, loved her, played with her, etc. A boy and a girl. it really was beautiful. Thank you SO much for writing about this!! He gets really upset when Daddy leaves the room. I had to return to work recently (4 days a week) and daddy is at home more and takes my son to nursery and picks him up. I KNOW your baby loves you. Going back to work after having a baby is a big career (and life) switch. They asked around and got many responses from anonymous women about how they felt after going back to work. I am prone to mild depression and can be a bit of a hermit sometimes. I had a very difficult pregnancy, my mother was not excited at all, we live with her and she would comment all the time that she didnt want anything to do with my son. Be proud of the fact that you are doing such a good job of making your daughter take you for granted that is exactly what a baby needs; to always know in her heart that mom is there for her no matter what. baby rejecting mom after going back to workbusiness memo examples. Which is great but I feel useless. I clean up UNBELIEVABLY poopy diapers. Peek-a-boo. But my 14month old is obsessed with his dad and it totally kills me. Whats worse is that my mom seems to enjoy the attention from him. Your daughter is going through her first life crisis adapting to the new situation. I have always been very close to my 18 month old girl. Ive reached the point where I want to leave my house and just leave her and my husband alone so see how they would make it without me. But it can take some time to start enjoying the ride ;-) I have a 14.5 month old baby girl. I just cant get the image of her red angry little face out of my mind. Your daughter loves you pretty much more than anything in the world. A wonderful thing to do in periods like this, is to spend time alone with the child. Instead, these are 3 things that I didn't expect to be blessed with when going back to work. I know it is hard and scary and painful after many months of being pregnant and then being everything for a child. she fetches her from pre school to be with her , she does mind going with him but when im there , she even cries, she can take anything that he bring her , bt wont allow him to hold her or talk to him. i also wrote here several months ago. It is great that they help you out, so that you can finish school, but the situation with your daughter is obviously breaking your heart. 1. I am really concerned with my family in the way how my daughter prefers only me when I am around. it has been like this for over a year now & i now just resent them. I thought I was doing the best thing for myself and my daughter. My relationship with my son isnt the same anymore. Sometime when I am feeding him on the weekends (breakfast typically), my son wants to get out of the high chair and go to dad. Its easy to be an outsider giving advice, but take it from someone who felt similarly rejected by her own child, I really urge you to consider seeking help and support from a source not on the inside of your situation. Unfortunately, I am a working mom (my husband works too). Doesnt really explain the fact hes always preferred her since he was born. But when daddy comes home, she always seems to forget my existence. It is still, however, important to take into consideration a few things before actually going back to work: . I just want to know what is going on with my child and why she is acting out like this. this is just a phase. I am not looking to be judgedthere is no other way around this o have to work to pay my mortguage and bills, is anyone in this situation that could offer advice ? So he cant do whatever he wants when Im home. It really hurts me. She is neither excited when I get home nor unhappy when I leave in the morning. Try carrying your baby's photo with you at your workplace. She has always been a daddys girl and he is her main attachment figure despite not being her main carer. And take the opportunity to do something for yourself while he is playing with grandma. So youve done great job. even though i felt rejected i didnt stop trying to hold her or trying to play with her. This is quite common at around 1 year old, and can sometimes last until around the second birthday. Or has anyone here experienced their toddler crying when they hear the parents voice on the phone and they are fine once they see them? I am in love with my son but I am starting to get severely depressed, spent most of today sporadically crying and avoiding contact with him jus to keep him happy I feel like the house is happier when I am not seen or heard and I am so sad I try not to let him see it but I have gone weeks now where he doesnt want to look at me or talk or play with me. Please help if you have passed this phase. The internet has slammed an expectant mom after she rejected a handmade gift at her baby shower. Being parent to a toddler gives us fantastic opportunities to develop our creativity! For many people, this factor carries the most weight in their decision. I feel rejected by my man, I have asked many times why? What he really needs might be to have more fun and more time with his dad. May God help us all. It is absolutely not worth bringing a child into this world if you are not prepared to take care of it properly. In fact its more mummy than daddy, and my husband is a little bit jealous of this. I hope you find a way make this all work out without hate and anger. Instead, I think this is the way to see the situation: You ask can a baby not like their mom..? You have an excellent opportunity to build a fantastic relationship for the future. After reading these posts I made sure to remain absolutely calm and neutral and not get teary or upset when he preferred his daddy over me. He will go to Nursery without a second glance and to any family or friend without so much as a look of concern over to me. Can I give you a challenge? I think its about time she stood up to her dad & told him but she as always been scared of him just like her older brother scared to say boo. The weird thing is when I pick her up she whines and clings to her dad and when I put her in the car she is fine and talking 10 mins down the road.. is this the transition between both parents? He was born September 2 of last year and I was lucky enough to be able to spend all this time with him. there were times that she slept with my caretaker before i got home to take her to our room could it be this? I know that nobody is going to want to hear this but your relationship with your child might never be the same if you just ignore it. There are studies showing that babies that are being held a lot actually become independent faster. for example, is perfect for a baby with separation anxiety. i am a younger mother who still lives with my mother. I dont know what to do. I am a dad in the same boat. This is my second son who is 8months and I feel me and him bonded great till a month ago and my husbands work schedule changed he is home all day I cant even get a second without him around and when he leaves the room our son fusses and tries to getaway from me I took him in another room to get some time with him he jus screamed and finally ate and went to bed I am very scheduled till few weeks ago, my husband is very not. Can someone please advise me on what to do? That way, you will keep making enough milk and will be less likely to get plugged ducts or engorged breasts. So, doing all these these boring things, like putting her to bed, diapering, eating and so on, really should be made as enjoyable as possible. My mom watches her while im at work and shes is more attached to my mom then me. If he wasnt a secure baby he wouldnt be able to bond with other people. Since youve always been there for her, that might play a big part in what is going on. Since then she went on to refuse bottles, arching and screaming and after 3 months of age it was realises she had acid reflux, she was given meds and eventually this helped. First, talk to your mom about how you feel. He fights me on everything. It took effort from all of us to get to where we are now, but forgiving each other and moving on as responsible adults to give our boy a good life, is one of the best things Ive done in my life.). I have a 2 year old daughter. Even the same morning, she wanted to be with me and when she woke up from her nap, she did not want me around. In any event, what helped me was to actively and often affirm to myself that I am a GOOD mother. Recently, ive had the exact same problem with my 16 month old baby, after i took 3 months off work and back to work a month ago. My mother says she must feel secure with me and to be happy she has such a good relationship with her fatherand I am. Actually, I wouldnt be surprised if your mother is right. i relly need some advise before i go crazy please :(. By the way, take a look at these two articles regarding avoiding power struggles at meal time and childrens eating habits to see if they may offer any help regarding making your daughter eat. So who knows, within a month, you might be carrying a whining little daughter all day long. Getting the Right Child Care. This could change any day. It really upsets me because her dad or greatgrandmother can get her when she starts doing this to me and she is fine. By preparing during maternity leave, you can feel more empowered in your choice and ensure a smooth transition for you and your baby. At 15 months, she lives in the present. But they have become my competitors And I start having bad feeling towards them. And fuss until he is looked after him for 7 months like a single mum as lived! Sad and depressing a nighttime story and go out having fun together somehow. 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