Choo-choo-choo-choo,choo-choo-choo-choo. Duchess:Oh, thank you so muchfor offering us your home. He had one of the most iconic voices in hollywood, most. Duchess: Now, Marie, let's leaveToulouse to his painting. Napoleon: Wait a minute. You remember him,of course. Groove it, cat! Its an opportunity for the grossest part of a comics brain to go wild. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:[Madame]Of course we will. Sarah Silverman: Joe Franklin loved The Aristocrats. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [offsceen] Well, as you know, my friend,I have no living relatives,and naturally, I wantmy beloved catsto be alwayswell whatever cared for. BAM THEM WITH AS POLITE A The acts described involve incest, pedophilia, sodomy, coprophilia, coprophagia, and impressions of the victims of 9/11. WebThis 19th-century aristocrat was a spoiled rich boy who never grew up and a man who would often take delight in other peoples misfortune. Title of infamous joke without a punchline. Clickety. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: You're a shamelessflatterer, Georges. And that was my vacation. STANDS4 LLC, 2023. [offscreen] Maybe we'd betterfind another place, huh? Berlioz: Thank you, Miss Frou-Frou,for letting me ride on your back. [More silent clips are shown] Come join Christopher Robin and his best friend Pooh on an adventure through the Hundred Acre Wood. Yeah. They're Oxford shoes. This is a family who are raping their own children, and performing bestiality! [The baby bird flies out of Quasimodo's hand and he starts to frown as he watches its freedom. That was very nice of you. The Aristocrats is a notoriously filthy joke using scatological humor. Scat Cat tosses a bucket of water over Edgar's head. Because with usshe never felt alone. My grandfather is the jockey, comes in third and paid $2.80! And I'm gonna shine my shoes with my vagina juices, put 'em back on, tap-tap-tap, do a split, and that's the act! And he says, "The Osbournes.". He sneaked upbehind me and tailgated me. Doug Stanhope: So it's finally just a whole prolapsed rectum. Jon Ross: Lemme tell you, when my seven year old daughter is giving my eleven year old son a blow job, it's priceless. [ Grunting ]Hey! Would you agree with that? And we blow Hitler, then next episode, we bite his dick off, ha ho! [Grunting]Lafayette! I just love them. Whee! Marie: And Marie. Oh, it just isn't fair! Edgar was in it. Kittens! It looks like a serated sea snake. But now we have tocook up a little spell. Where are you? Girl: And then the raccoons ate our food and they all had poison ivy. [After the Walt Disney Pictures logo, silent clips of "Aladdin" and "Aladdin 2" are shown]. The aristocrats is a terminal movie. Thomas is, a dear friend of ours. Now [Silent clips of "Aladdin 3" are shown, starting with Aladdin riding Magic Carpet, and Genie flying next to him as they enter Agrabah] Walt Disney Pictures invites you to a celebration. Duchess: Please, girls. That this one rudimentary joke could be done so many different ways and in different styles. Funny Knock Knock Jokes To Tell Your Friends. [Snarling,Hissing]. [The camera zooms into the theater screen as the screen fades to black]. They got rubber feet. Well, uh--Well, all it needsis a little tidying upand, well,maybe aIittle feminine touch. Neighborhood! Georges Hautecourt: [ Singing ]Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ayTa-ra-ra-boom-de-ay[ Humming ]Oh. Go get him! Amelia: Yes, that's a question. [After the Walt Disney Pictures logo, we fade to a black background]. Billy Bunny: [sings] That is what we really do so, yow! I'll take careof you later. IT'S JUST, "HERE WE GO, FOLKS." And beyond! Scat Cat: [ Trumpet Blaring ][ Laughing ]Well, looky here. Duchess: Edgar did thisto us? This joke typically has these elementsalternative versions may change this form. The cat runs to the stable door and locks it. Although the talent agent initially brushes them off as too 'cutesy', he is eventually persuaded to allow them to show him their act. Revisit bob sagets take on the aristrocrats, one of the filthiest jokes. Good heavens! This joke was met with boos and jeers of "too soon." Edgar Balthazar: Must be round here somewhere. Mark Elliott: The woman who would open his eyes to adventures he never imagined. Duchess:[ Sighing ]I don't know what to say. Did you haveany luck at all? Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: So good to see you, Georges. [ Singing ]Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ayTa-ra-ra-boom-de-ay. Duchess: Well, darlings, l--I just don't know. Even if the punchline was the 1%, the joke would. Now, this isno time for fun and games. I'll decide what it was. All thoselittle kittens of yours, Duchess. "And basted in[ Sniffles ]white wine." Roquefort:Oh, boy! Roquefort: Must keep still. O'Malley:Hey! Duchess: Marie, darling. [ Humming ]Ta-ra-ra-boom-de-ayTa-ra-ra-boom-de--Oops! Edgar Balthazar: Oh, another ringer, sir. The mother starts taking her blouse off. O'Malley: I'm all right,Duchess,honey. (Laughter) That joke's been "around." Now, run along downstairs. Tsk! O'Malley needs help! Naturellement! I'mRoquefort by the way, I need your help,Duchess! Roquefort: Not a sign of them, Frou-Frou,and I've searched all night. Stocks and bonds? Abigail: Yes. Edgar Balthazar: Of course, Madame. The Aristocrats. Toulouse: Don't worry, mama, we will. Hold on. Madame isexpecting you, sir. It's time to get rid of these cats all the way to Timbuktu once and for all. [Hiccupping]Look. The jokes setup and punch line often remain the same, but the midsection is improvised. Young cat. Beau Weaver: And here's what's new from Disney Interactive. Toulouse. They get the- towait. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: [offsceen] Oh, come now, Georges. [Growling]. O'Malley: Go away! Which pets get to sleepon velvet mats? O'Malley: Well, uh, you seeI-l'm not exactlyher husband. It's just, "Here we go, "folks. Hmm? Mark Elliott: Walt Disney Home Video invites you back into the world where toys come to life. "The Aristocrats Quotes." Berlioz: Oh, boy! Winnie the Pooh! Duchess:[offscreen]And they are very fond of you. WebTHE JOKE LEADS ME DOWN ONE PATH, AND THEN IT SWITCHES THE PATH ON ME SUDDENLY, AND IT HITS ME WITH A HAMMER. O'Malley: Three? WebThe Aristocrats "The Aristocrats" (also called "The Debonaires" or "The Sophisticates" in some tellings) is a taboo-defying off-color joke that has been told by numerous stand-up Madame Adelaide Bonfamille:Oh! O'Malley: Well, of course. Phoebus: She's very lucky to have a friend like you. You're justher house pets. Phenomenal. [Chuckling] Now this calls for another cracker. We need a man around the house. Elevators arefor old people. Love it. He's beenmarinated in it. Toulouse: Why didn't I answer? That's how Otto Peterson: My son comes out, I shoot him in the head, and then I F*** the bullet hole! If I picked a day to fly, oh, this would be it. Oh, ooh, ooh! Jon Stewart: Just the other day I was eating my own sh*t. Jon Ross: And then, the denouement the butt f***ing. Brian Cummings: Plus singing and swinging with the frogs. But, knows where what's at? It slides out of the stable as a truck pulls up]. Toulouse: I'll bet we walkeda hundred miles. I've only got one. Beau Weaver: And now, our feature presentation. [ Spitting ]. Duchess: (offscreen; chuckling)Yes. They show aristocatic bearing. Berlioz: [Yelps, Needle Scratching,Music Slows]. Duchess:Because of our owner. Ooh, ooh, ooh! Let's be nice to our new friends. Abigail: Oh, dear! The 100 Greatest TV Shows of All Time Birds of a feathermust [ Hic ] together. Quick, kittens! They're too cutesy." Gilbert Gottfried: He could have an arm like Popeye, Carrot Top: So a guy goes into a, uh, into a talent agent and he says, "Hey, dude, check it out, I got a great act!" Amelia: It's scandalous. Thank goodnessit was only a dream. Gives birth to a three-pound Shetland pony! [ Mumbling ]. I don't mind if I refuse to wish you to sue anyone. Edgar Balthazar: Careful, sir. I've had all the help I can take. Okay. Amelia: Now, ah, listen to our idea, you stand here, dear. Roquefort:B-But honest, guys! [Hugo keeps spitting as Victor now comes to life]. [Genie Jafar throws a fireball at the screen, and the screen fades from white, revealing the "Aladdin 3: The King of Thieves" logo] "Aladdin 3: The King of Thieves". Away! Hold on, Kyle. Kittens? 0. Toulouse:Yeah. Toulouse: Sorry, Ol'Black face. Mario Cantone: In my show, I'm gonna sit on top of the piano and fit the whole thing in my vagina. And those eyes of yours. And poor Madamedidn't sleep a wink either. John Leader: He created a motion picture based on a story that held a special place in his heart. Duchess: Yes. Amelia: And don't worry about form, sir. [offscreen]You believe me,don't you? Brian Cummings: "Billy Bunny's Animal Songs". A little lowerand faster there, buddy. Let's hurry. I simplywish to have the cats inherit first. Good. In all our days,in tender ways,her love for uswas shown. They're gone! In its most-basic form, a family goes to see a talent agent, performs their actwhich is comprised of disgusting depravityand once they finish, Now, just a few dunks. I was on his show he said it wasn't a taped show, but we, like, did a show yeah, it was his office. Marie: Mama,l guess I had a nightmareand fell out of bed. Duches: [offscreen]Berlioz, now don't be rude. a one-wheeled haystack. [offscreen]Gethim, get him, get him, get him! I've just gotto find them. Boy: We drive and drive and drive some more. Because no one is gonna book this show! And Ann suggests that they all go into the drawing room, where Ann then braids Betsy's beautiful blonde hair. Georges Hautecourt: Wha--? Marie:[offscreen]Abraham de Lacy Giuseppe Casey! Toulouse: Get her, Berlioz! YOU HAVE OUTSTRETCHED YOURSELF WHEN YOU'RE DOING IT RIGHT, ON MAKING IT AS HORRIFIC AS YOU CAN. Where's my hat? Scat Cat:Come on, cats! Georges Hautecourt: [ Laughing ]Come on, Edgar. [Humming"Rock-A-Bye-Baby"]Oops! Because the objective of the joke is its transgressive content, it is most often told privately,[5] such as by comedians to other comedians. Duchess: Now, now, darlings. Mangy tramps! Woody: Alright. O'Malley: "Swingers." And bring back f***ing major world leaders of the past 60 years, like Hitler. Duchess: Now, now, Thomas. Now, dear, you goto the piano and-- Run a long. Duchess: Now, now, Toulouse. O'Malley: Keep your head up, Marie! How could I forget him? Gilbert Gottfried: A lot of you are probably saying "Wait, wait, wait. Lafayette: I still say it wasa little old cricket bug. Scat Cat: Well, Marie my little lady,let me elucidate here. Which pets liveon cream and loving pats? Woody: [Walks to an alien and picks it up] Hello. Madame Adelaide Bonfamille: Thank you, Edgar. The male gamete, or sperm, and the female gamete, the egg or ovum, meet in the female's reproductive system. So they're all f***ing each other right. I know it's Georges. Oh, what a horrible,horrible human! Coming! It will come later. O'Malley: "Basted"? Aristocrats Joke Text. Oh! John Leader: Now, that movie can be part of your family's collection of grand Disney animated classics. Sleep well. Georges Hautecourt: Yes, yes! Edgar Balthazar: Could we take the elevatorthis time, sir? We meanfar more to her than that. When they're seenupon an airing. Berlioz: I'll bet it's morethan a thousand. And that! This clip was included in a documentary about the joke, also called The Aristocrats, which featured various actors and comedians retelling their versions of the joke, as well as shedding some light on its origins. Answer me please. Get out! [after Wendy Liebman describes a normal family act]. Come here, my darlings. 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