I did and I am so much happier now. Not long to some of you poor souls above, but boy what an experience for a 23yr old! So i was writing everything down only to read back a whole lot of beginnings with the beginnings of another event as the ending! There are so many situation through the day when i think of him. we first met in 2008 and our last communication was in April 2014). I am in no contact since four months. Gosh, I dont know. They fear strong women. When they lose said control, this illusion is shattered. its like hes two ppl. No contact. I understand where youre coming from, but the frustrating truth is that each time you reach out to him it gives him validation that he is still on your mind and he derives great enjoyment from having the opportunity to tell you that its over. One thing makes her angry and shes blocked me and gone. I need the help and pushed the other friends faraway. Hes really nice and sweet when he wanted to be, but now, is like a completely difference person took over him. Knowledge is power! If I were you, Id decline on the lunch date. That brokenness that we originally recognized is still there and it is just not fixable by mankind. I found that telling mine that I had figured out he was a Narc/Sociopath scared him off. Theyll use this opportunity to butter you up and tell you how awesome you are, that theyre still in love with you, and if you cant be lovers, theyll settle for just friends. Eden and tiredofliars8, WOW the idea, that he is possibly the BPD (borderline) came to me while I was reading the story. Also understand that is very easy from the outside looking in that she is a terrible catch, and why would I be attracted to someone like that. The first year and half of the relationship he seemed kind enough. Domestic violence unit contacted me the next day and said that they believed me and told me to get an emergency protection order and he feels my ex is more passive aggressive and gets off on reactions, that he would manipulate from the outside. The judge issued a no-contact order but he has been calling/texting my friend where I am staying, making demands or he is going to tell the state attorney this, that or the other. and they know exactly what they are doing they know right from wrong, good from bad They might say something like, I hated the way my ex dressed, they never made an effort for me. This man was my first boyfriend and first kiss when we were growing up together. I need help to find the strength to not reach out to him. You do an awesome job Kim. His mask falls so quick when he cant get what he wants. So after all of that I am now convinced they work with smokimg mirrorswhen you stop playing their game, they lose all the magic. The never meeting his family or friends The half truths.. Narcs cant hide their true selves for long. I know now by reading much also from mr Sam Vaknin that i am a Invert Narcist and like most women of N have HSP High sensitive. They are just as inconsistent and drama filled as friends as they were as significant others and if that will bother you its not a good idea. I do see strong narcissistic qualities in him, but I wonder if he is a true N. I dont want to look for reasons to by sympathetic to him, because he hurt me deeply and Ihe will not get a pass on that. How do you get someone who keeps calling your number while you NEVER answer it to leave you alone? They never change and will just do their best to suck you in and hurt you all over again. So, he probably has no intentions of moving in with her, it is all a ploy to keep me guessing, right?? HELPPP. they were weeping for validation of their love), I decided their words and action no longer hold much weight. The reason you feel this way is not only because of how you were treated but because youve effectively internalized the way the narcissist has conditioned you to feel. He plays a role in a lot of storys because he is part of my history. The DSM just want to be politically correct. Even if he sincerely wanted to he would have alot of work to do amd he could t be in a relationship whole he worked thru his issues. I WAS VERY SICK 1/2018 W pneumonia. -Controlling Grrrr so bad!!! Lose the Loser! your mean? Went shopping what i ussualy do with him. That would help you work out your feelings without losing your dignity in regards to giving him the chance to make you feel rejected again. Months later he emailed me saying he wanted to connect. My story is a little different I THINK. Anyway family day he came by to see kids, once they went to bed he sits down and my three yr old is sitting there and he says do you know why I came? Im only sharing a part of what happened because I could write pages. Affected all aspects of my life. then I found out why. I would surely lose a battle like that in court, regardless of that shes lying. The narcissist completely brainwashes that you are the reason for the damage of the relationship. This is just out of pure curiosity, but lets say that I decided not to pursue the money and just let things be. In response to Jills comment, Oct 10 at 9:31 PM, Jill, there was something broken in them that we wanted to try and heal or at least help them through. I could not understand why/how he would use the detriment of our relationship to secure another. Like a predator he catches me. A real narc may [emailprotected]** admit their fault, practically in the same breath taking back any, (or placing all the blame on nouns outside of him/herself) responsibility for the dysfunction in the relationship. The list goes on. Again, take everything he says with a grain of salt. Wrote to me that he missed me and then I told him never contact me and he sent me a nasty email trying to bring me down. Well, other than her owing me money.lol. She is very convincing to others and that is why the distance must remain permanent. Didnt you guys notice I was always on edge whenever I was out? Well, his reaction was golden. I have to ask you thisdo you live in WA state by chance? He is now living in a caravan park with her and her daughter. Then he leaves me with a weak excuse. or move your stuff out slowly to storage get a UPS address dont tell anyone what youre doing especially him remember to lock down your credit scores to new address once in new place Get Out! Married 20 plus years thought of his ongoing personality blips were due to his addiction s and chronic pain ( he had back surgery in his 30s) I left many many times and finally had to have him removed from our home via the law. He sms me at sunday `hope you had a nice weekend` Then he called me and said he misses me and is confused about everything. Shes left again and Ive not heard from her in over a week. He proves his disorder with most of what he tells me. 30 days of No Contact are the pivot of embracing the breakup and trying to fix yourself. How can a narc go from highly sexual to needing more if a frienship in a relationship?? Theres really only one way to know when a narcissist is finished with you: when you decide they are. It's part of a healthy ego. To stay friends with your narcissist ex-partner isnt a good idea. I listen I watch but I just see his weakness and, regardless of this, his attempt to appear respectable. Although, sometimes he tried to help me. He will be back Jan, true narcs always come back. No Contact makes the narcissist feel small, worthless, and powerless. Im not responding to any more calls or texts. or wherever he was getting his rocks offthat i couldnt tell youwell, admittedlyi flew into a rage and saw redthat night as he slept, i decidedly, without words, wanted to express to him my new found discovery of his hidden true colors by taking a large Vaseline Jar to his yummy treasures hed been enjoyingbc he certainly wasnt enjoying mei put on a glove and swabbed it with a huge goop of the greasy mixture and smeared it all over the inside of this gym bagYou might be saying to yourself, that was a little high-schoolish and immature and irresponsible, well maybe but I suppose i had reached a point of now return and this was my breaking point after years of abusebut in hindsight, he couldve killed me for pulling a stunt like thatI will never forget the 5am reaction while i lay motionless and breathless in my bedi heard him rise, get ready for his ritualistic morning routine for getting to the gym, the sound of movement became less vague, more pronouncedthen under-your-breath slurs shes a bitchheavy foot-steps, then a crash thru my locked bedroom doorgrabbed me out of my bed and thru me against the walltook both hands and smashed everything on my bureau mirrored vanityglass everywherethen looked me straight in the eye with his hands tightened around my neck and announces.your outta hereheavy abuse followed this incident which was planned and premeditated in getting me evicted from my home we shared even so far as to accuse my mental state, which i have to admit was affected by this mans abuse by pushing me past my limits which is what would happen to any sane person at the hands of a NARC like thisnot long after this occurred he set me up and had police arrest me under the guise i was a harm to myself and my child which he used as leverage and weaponry to execute his planhow sick someone could do this to another human being is beyond me while never being able to admit it is himself that is the damaging element in this volatile relationship, all along! Our last conversation she was telling me to leave her alone and how much better off she is without me. Sally. I told him that I was sick. Told me how beautiful i was spent moey on me was their through my grief . A few days ago one of my coaching clients contacted me with an interesting request. Then I did no contact again for 90 days. Of course I found that out much later. The letter was possibly what I needed to stop this evil madness. Narcissists will do everything they can. Excellent post. I was only with my ex for four months, continued being friends with her the next eight months, and I am still suffering psychological pain from the incident. I decided I had enough, and went and filed for a restraining order for dating violence. Perhaps you hadnt heard from them in ages, and suddenly the narcissist comes back after months? I feel blessed to have found such support here reading. She said, you know he is with a new lafy with kids lol. But i dont want to rush in to an other relationship still mourning him. I have some new answers and new pride in myself. It took moving away from home for graduate school to see just how damaged my family was. Its just not fair. I told to myself by Reading all those storys here i will never let him get to me like that and now he haves his way again. Thank you you are inspiring and reassuring, Great article, Kristen. Thank god I got a new job that it will provide for me and my son to move out, otherwise I would have been screwed. Im glad you are able to get some sort of relief from reading my posts. Thank you also Eden. Also, how can you move in with someone you have not had sex with? The trauma bond. Go inward. I am continuing in counseling and it is going well, and I will continue to receive counseling as long as my counselor believes I need it. i know that i am releeved and happy. I dont care if i dont see you again but i would do anything for j___ (grandchild). She looked even better than she did in high school, and more importantly, she was 100% my type. He didnt move hug me or clinch. I, too, wish there were more male posters. Just now I received a call from the x about our daughter and school. Thank you Eden, That helps me a lot. If it werent for the baby inside me I may have done just that. Again, I apologize for the hurt I caused, and I ask for your forgiveness for all the hurt and pain I have caused you, and pray you are healed of that pain soon.. I put her first in everything for so long i lost who i was and what i want. Im not sure. He claimed that I shouldnt harden myself and that he was one of the good guys. Johns eloquence at the end is poetically breathtaking too. If I were drowning and you reached your hand out to save me, I would turn my face from you and sink into the abyss of a watery grave while you watched before I ever gave you the satisfaction of helping me. Narcissists seem to change the rules on any given day based on how they interact with peopleonly they dont give you all of the information. See if they can provide you with transitional housing until you can get on your feet. []. I dont discuss my opinions about your mental illness with them, nor do I discuss yours and your brothers rampant smear campaign. When I was told ten years ago I had brain tumor over the phone I was on my way to therapy. Just think of it yourself. The moment he broke up with you, he stopped being your responsibility. Its lifting me up. But just when i get myself out of bed after two weaks of perralised in bed.. just when i started to take care of myself, looked good and accept it.. what if one day she will come forward and say.. Its like I need more proof that he is a monster or isnt. He then dragged me by the hair of my head out of our home and locked me out. Instead he squeezed qll heirlooms, I hey, and family outborvm blurs. Youve been emotionally and financially abused and cast-off like a paper bag from McDonalds. I received a text from her shortly after her borrowing the money that she had a check in the mail for me! So i said i have a boyfriend also.He never said anything before the weekend begins. Breaking free from her was a relief and the day she died, I felt nothing at all I wasnt relieved, I wasnt sad. I love this app especially since any number on your blocked list wont go to voicemail. She chose a guy like you, because she knew she could hurt you. It has been a few years now and it has ripped me apart and affects my life. I am so glad I found this blog! He is not going to leave but when you do change phone number put him on email contact only if you must learn about No Contact and Run!!!!!! One way to spot a guy who is breadcrumbing? At first, he tried doing friends with benefits but I declined. I went from the frying pan to the fire!! Most of his are either a request unrelated to parenting (which I ignore) or replies to me with another question [is that all you wanted?, are you saying that ()?] when I expected a yes or no and he hates that I dont reply. This happens twice a year. Sometimes I get sad out of nowhere, sometimes I get pissed.

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